I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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