Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
