You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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