forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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