new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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