How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
