your parents love me but you hate me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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