I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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