I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
