your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
