Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
