My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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