my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize