Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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