omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
