do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
