break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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