; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Holy sore nipples Batman
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize