TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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