Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
