Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
