Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
