Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
