At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
