I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
