i jhust puked up my retainher.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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