i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
