Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
