Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
