I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
