I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
