living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
