There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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