Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
