i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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