it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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