I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
