I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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