I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
