They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
