i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
