why didn't you poke me back
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
