Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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