why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
