you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
