Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize