I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
