dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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