My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize