ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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