i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
