Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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