There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
