Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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