White coat. Heels.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
