im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
