I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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