my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
