Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
