Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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