she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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