Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
