I accidentally burped into my bong.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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