I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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