The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
