Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
