LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
