sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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