My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
