Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
ok first of all what the fuck
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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