I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
