i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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