New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
